How can I get out of survival mode and start living?

Stuck in Survival Mode

For almost a year my four children had packet oatmeal for breakfast, PB&J for lunch and simple pick up dinners or frozen pizza. Most of their homeschooling was me reading aloud to them while I pumped breast milk or tried to get more food into their youngest brother. I didn’t look ahead, I slogged through each day. I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. Adrenaline kept me in constantly anxious and on edge.

My littlest, only a few months old, had a huge hole in his heart.

As we tried to help him gain weight to get the operation that would save his life we were struggling against his heart. He would turn a deathly purple as he lost oxygen. He had to choose between eating and breathing. The emotional toll of just surviving each day watching my child struggle against death left me with nothing. I was in what I call “survival mode”.

Causes of Survival Mode

Survival mode usually is caused by a disruption of our typical life. Everything from simply moving (Military spouse here),to a brutal argument with your spouse, to financial overwhelm. Anything that gets your adrenaline going on a regular basis spirals you into “Survival Mode.” For some being on Social Media or watching the news creates overwhelm which lived daily may produce survival mode.

You know when you are trying to do something on the computer and the option is there but you can’t select it? It is greyed out. That is what survival mode feels like mentally. Anything that doesn’t have to do with basic needs and right now is simply greyed out. Any decision for the future seems empty and meaningless. This might be signing the kids up for baseball or it might be even able to think about doing laundry before everyone is out of underwear. Survival mode is brain fog on steroids.

Year from Hell

When my youngest son was born I had lived through the year from hell- I had miscarried in the second trimester, lived through a 9.0 earthquake and 1000’s of aftershocks, evacuated across the world from a nuclear disaster. My toddler daughter had a cancer scare. My body didn’t like my final pregnancy and I had many difficult daily symptoms.

I was the mother to a four children at the beginning of the year. My 7,5,3, and 1 year old grew up in a house where most everything was made from scratch with attention to nutrition. I had worked really hard to have a great routine. I was a successful flybaby. But routines and expectations began to erode over that year. When three months after Ian was born we were evacuated around the world, from Japan to Ohio the life routines were gone. Survival mode was in full swing.

We survived and slowly returned to a new normal. Certainly not the same one. Four years after Ian’s birth my husband deployed for six months. It took less than a week for my mind and emotions to return to survival mode. Phone calls described everything as continuing as normal. It was the beginning of summer, kids were running through the neighborhood, playgrounds and trampolines. But inside our home was empty and household tasks felt overwhelming and meaningless. My emotions and my mental space was an absolute mess. I was sad. I was angry. I was grieving. I was nothing. Nothing mattered. Faith didn’t mean anything.

I remember thinking about John 10:10.”Is this my abundant life you came to give me?” I bitterly asked God.

Survival mode is not “Abundant life”

The answer is no. Survival mode is not abundant life. It doesn’t reflect God’s glory.

Everything we do, spiritual or secular makes us more like Jesus or less like him. It is either characterized by faithfulness or not. This is not a legalistic state to live in. Like God, I am so pleased with my children when they slow down enough to cuddle and listen to stories. He wants a relationship with us. But faithfulness does something to us, it changes us at a neural-psychological level- it gives us resilience and strengthens our faith.

The overall narrative of the story of Grace we have through Jesus says that we are here on earth as his redeemed saints to reflect his glory in our sufferings and to show the fruit of the spirit. Actively.

LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, and SELF-CONTROL. (Galatians 5:22 ESV)

That doesn’t overlap with Survival mode at all.

At the heart Survival Mode is Selfish

At the heart of it Survival Mode is selfish. We are consumed with ourselves and our struggles. Whether we are emotionally and mentally numb or we are riding a wicked emotional roller coaster we are not living as God has called us to as his children. This is good news because every sin has a savior (Remind yourself of the salvation story here). God has laid out a map in the Bible to restore us. But if you are reading this you may be in Survival Mode. Sweet sister here is ONE thing to do. (Please sign up at the bottom of this page for my newsletters so you can get ongoing support and strategies).

This one thing will become a foundation for peace and put God’s truth front and center in your mind. It will eventually make your emotional swings become smaller and smaller. It will change your face to a face at rest. It will overcome anxiety and depression. It will take you out of survival mode.

One Miraculous Choice for Change

What is this miracle choice?

It is the choice to only think about the truth. Paul states in Philippians 4:8, “Whatever is true, . . . think about these things” (ESV)

Only think about the truth.

It will change everything.

Thinking truth means no What-if’s.  I think about 70% of what we as women meditate on falls into this category. We spend our whole lives reacting to things that we think we should be prepared for. We constantly what if. We are decieved into thinking that we are more prepared if we consider the what-if.  What-if’s are what keep us in survival mode long term. We feel as if life has sucker punched us and we are waiting for the next jab.

What-if . . . if we are honest we know that our what-ifs expand and take on crazy minds of their own.  We can daydream ourselves into the apocalypse easily.  As we keep running down these pathways in our brain they become more pronounced. We become more entrenched in Survival mode. The What-if can become a lens through which we view reality. It can warp us into women who live in fear.

The other aspect of thinking truth is no If-Only’s. Remember how we are stuck in selfish thinking? Part of that is feeling like something we did would totally change where we are now. Not to discount repentance, guilt and regret very easily become complaining about what happened in retrospect.  You might be blaming yourself but it is still complaining. It is another trap for our minds and emotions.

In Philippians 3:13-14 Paul states:”But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”(ESV)

Paul knew he could get trapped in the past- he says he considers it trash when he looks ahead to what God is doing (Philippians 3:8-10)

One thing today-

Think about Truth

No What-if’s

No If-Only’s

This alone will slowly move you out of suvival mode.

Next Steps- Out of Survival Mode Permanently

If you want to move faster then pick one thing every day to do for tomorrow. People who aren’t in survival mode do important things before they become an overwhelming urgency. When I look back at my life I see all these routines and habits that I had created.

Making a meal plan and grocery list and cooking ahead, having a routine for cleaning, having a binder with important information for a babysitter, all of these took time and became one of the balls that were easily juggled once they became routine and habitual. But when survival mode came I dropped them all. I didn’t pick them up for months. In some cases years. There are some things I have never returned to. But picking up one thing, committing to spending fifteen minutes on it, fifteen minutes for tomorrow, this will transform your mind and emotions as you seek to be faithful. Spend that first fifteen minutes of faithfulness with someone who loves you who you haven’t had emotional strength to connect with.

Oh my sister, that is where the transformation in your life is going to take place. Paul described it like this in the next verses:

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind 

and straining forward to what lies ahead, 

I press on toward the goal for the prize

 of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14 ESV

If you were thrown into survival mode before, then the next time circumstances overwhelm survival mode becomes your default. Your mind and emotions are happy to return there and conserve energy for the next overwhelming event. Every time a new medical diagnosis looms I have to struggle against my natural tendency to simply hunker down and only survive. But these steps have proven true time and time again. I have recovered faster and better. You can come out of this time even stronger as you rely on God.

So today blast the worship and be conscious of your thoughts. Today is for the big change- you are exchanging the deceit that has trapped you for the freedom found in truth. You are going to come out of Survival Mode, stronger, more humble, and ready to show the world what real faith looks like. Let me continue to show you where deception has you trapped- sign up for my newsletter