Emotional Overwhelm
What am I doing here? I was staring into an empty cabinet. I couldn’t remember opening it or walking to the kitchen in the first place. The last thing I remembered was the comment my husband had made that cut me deeply. He didn’t even realize it hurt me. But here I was staring into the cabinet where I normally would have seen a small bag of cookies, or a chocolate bar. That day in Mississippi I realized how much food had become my escape.
It isn’t just food. In a survey I created for my business many escapes were mentioned. Everything from reading, to videos, to social media, those were obvious. The less obvious ones, that surprisingly had the same number of responses were: keeping too busy, sleeping, ignoring everything, and eating. Most of these are perfectly fine behaviors until they grow our of control as our coping mechanisms. They do not fix our problems, just delay and sometimes enlarge them. When these escapes stop us from seeing truth- they become sin.
Our Escapes can become Sin
When we escape over and over deception ends up trapping us in our behavior. We can’t see what we should be doing because we are so busy self medicating. My husband deployed to Afghanistan at the beginning of the summer. He left me with 4,6,8,10, and 12 year old kids in base housing in Illinois. I was seething at God for allowing this to happen (It’s like I lived in denial for the eight years he had already been active duty- I am ridiculous). I read. Sometimes three books a day. I made sure the kids ate and bathed and I did the bare minimums of everything. I escaped. I missed so many opportunities to spend time and share with my kids. I went through the motions but they could see my heart. Years later my oldest told me he still struggles with bitterness because to his mind he lost both his parents and he had to pick up the slack on things I didn’t notice. It took me years to dig myself out of the behaviors I used to escape.
We need to see God at work
Truth is that right now- in the midst of emotional upheaval or mental drama we need to see God at work. We need hope. We desperately need to feel God’s love. The joy that comes from the Holy Spirit and absolutely does not depend on circumstances can be ours. The peace that is beyond comprehension, and does not at all relate to what is swirling around us, can hold us steady. This seems like a ridiculous dream but it can become your honest day-to-day reality. Here are five steps to begin with. More help is available. Sign up for my email newsletter. Let me continue to encourage you.
Five things to do when you want to escape
1. Rant with God– rail, give him pain, anger, everything- Psalm 137 tells of the trauma of Jerusalem being overthrown and survivors being forced to sing joyful songs for their captors. The final verse of the chapter is brutal- but it shows very clearly the heart of the author. God knows what we are feeling already and sometimes we can’t put it into words- but He wants us to give him it all.
I was really enraged over a comment my husband had casually tossed my way. I had been struggling for years physically in a specific area and he tossed his prescription my way and told me if I just did this one thing all my problems would end. I was soooo angry. I went to the garage and pulled our rowing machine out. I cried through the entire album of Plumb’s “Need you now[the remixes].
“How many times have you heard me cry out- God please take this? How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?
Oh I need you, God I need you now.”
Every time the chorus came on I would start sobbing again. At first they were tears of rage, as I continued they were tears of brokenness. Let God get in the trenches of your problems with you. Be honest and give him your emotion.
2. Remind yourself of truth:
The truth is that this moment you are struggling through did not sneak up on God. He has been preparing you for this moment and this moment for you. Ephesians 2 says that he has good works for us to walk in. This moment right now is one of those good works. When you choose to respond without screaming but allow Holy Spirit to power you into kindness and the other fruits of the spirit, you are shouting God’s glory and provision to the world. I promise, because He promises over and over again, that HE will give you the strength to walk in victory in this situation!
“No, in all these things (you can shout out what it is that is your struggle)
we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers,
nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation, will be able to
separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:37-39
I listen to versions of the audio Bible on Youtube when I cannot handle my overwhelm and I want to run. Other times I blast my praise music and have a dance party with my kids.
3. Remember to be thankful: This is a deliberate choice on your part. My youngest son is nine and has Down Syndrome. When my house is a wreck I choose to thank God for healthy children and all the stuff they have to create the mess. “Lord, thank you that Ian is finally cognitively developed enough to do this puzzle.” Is a whole lot better than muttering complaints to myself as I act like a martyr cleaning up. Practice- when you pick something up to put away find a way to be thankful for that item. It really will change your life if you incorporate thanksgiving.
You can easily turn your thankfulness in to prayers for those who have it worse than you do. This also helps with our mental battles. When your infant blows out his diaper all over himself, the wall, the floor, and you it is an overwhelming moment. But if your brains snaps into- “Wow, Lord! I am so thankful I have diapers for him to wear so that wasn’t worse. I pray for the refugees running from war zones and conflict who have nothing for their babies. Lord, give them strength.” Suddenly the whole clean up thing is less difficult, because honestly, your child will be clean and your house returned to normal, but there are millions who look at those things as unimaginable luxury. I have found that these prayers also lead to thanksgivings most times and the very difficulty I was overwhelmed by becomes a blessing. I pray this is what you experience as well. Try it!
4. Reshape your environment: Often our overwhelm and emotions are tied to what is happening in our environment. Running away from our problems is just another escape- but, using a change of venue to reset ourselves is sometimes a great tactic. At one point I had a newborn with severe medical needs, 2,4,6,and 8 year old children and was living in a 1200sqft fourplex with very little space in Asia. I was constantly be on call and the walls began closing in on me. I wanted to run screaming at times.
Changing the venue- even just sinking to the floor( and not staring at the dinner that isn’t making itself) can help. Changing the venue can help. If your house is overwhelming you and everywhere you look you see more tasks to do and ways you have failed- then go outside. Sit in the car. Have a car picnic if it is raining out. Kids in car seats are sometimes more manageable. I have stuck my head in the refrigerator before, the cool air is just enough of a sensory pick-me-up that I can move into the next task. This is why there are so many memes of moms hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes alone. They are overwhelmed and unable to cope with the millions of interactions they are being presented with every moment. And it isn’t just moms- every one of us is overwhelmed regularly. Ask God for creativity, to know where to go and how to use little changes to create an oasis of peace for a moment.
5. Respond, don’t react: looking at the situation and choosing an appropriate emotional escape is very different from finding yourself in the kitchen taking down cookies from where you stashed them. You have already prayed, pray again- ask God to show you if an escape for the moment will help you. There is nothing inherently sinful about 15 minutes on social media (timer set) or watching a movie. But if you are called to do something else and you choose to escape instead . . . yep, that is sin (James 4:17). Maybe sending your kids for some quiet time in their rooms is the best choice right now, but send them off deliberately and with gentle words- not with rage or tears. Take a few moments to breathe and choose your response instead of just react.
6. Redesign your escape: Remember the list from the first paragraph? There are lots of escapes, but they may not be included in the “good works we are called to do” daily in Ephesians 2:1-10. What are some things I am called to do that I can make into an escape? My grandma told us the story of coming into the kitchen and seeing her mom kneading bread. It wasn’t baking day and they didn’t need another loaf of bread made. “Momma, why are you making bread right now?” Great-grandma didn’t miss a beat when she said, “I’m mad at your Dad.”
It might not be best to write an email while your mind is screaming about how upset you are- but maybe making dessert? That would be a bad choice for me- but I am a compulsive tidier when I am angry. Be honest about your capabilities- if I can’t concentrate for more than 2 minutes I won’t make dinner. If my hands are shaking I shouldn’t cut anything. But I can usually do laundry no matter what is going on. And I usually have laundry. . . Sometimes I set the timer for five minutes and tell myself to do five minutes of faithfulness before I try to escape. It amazes me how often it resets my emotions enough that I don’t need rush away anymore.
Bonus- offer a sacrifice of praise- God has a very special place in his heart for those who come to him in their pain and show their trust for him. For me this involves literally speaking praise about the situation. I try to find the worst part of it and ask God to help me see something to be thankful for. This is hard.
Build a framework for truth
As we build our mental and emotional life on a framework of truth we will have peace more and more. We will walk in peace , The God of peace will be with us (Philippians 4) The incomprehensible peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Escaping can sabotage our lives if we aren’t careful. Change the way you escape- yield it to God. Be sure to sign up on my email list for more practical application of truth.
We all want to escape sometimes: Rant with God; Remind yourself of truth; Remember to be thankful; Reshape your environment; Respond, don’t react; and Redesign your escape. You can do these simple steps to deal with the overwhelm you are facing. You don’t have to escape. If you want more strategies and tactics to help you overcome the deception that is keeping you trapped please sign up for my email list. I would love to continue encouraging you.
